Friday, July 8, 2011

Affair Nightmare Continues

Just as I think I am getting better, memories get stirred up to remind me that I am not healed yet and I still have a long way to go.

I agreed to do a story on cheating by reviewing a book that discusses what you should look for when you suspect your partner is cheating, what to do after you find out and how to move on from it. I read the entire book tonight. The whole book was like taking a trip back to everything I've been through ...even the moving on part. I can't believe my life is an entire infidelity book...

I can't sleep now (it's almost 1:30 AM) from just thinking about everything I went through when I knew he was cheating on me. I read that there is a program you can install on a computer that tracks keystrokes so you can see what someone is doing on a computer - oh why didn't I know about that then. ...Or maybe it wasn't meant for me to know then. I believe everything happens for a reason...maybe if I had found out anytime sooner, I wouldn't be where I am today.

It just makes me so sad looking back at how he treated me through the whole ordeal. I wish I hadn't allowed him to treat me and the kids so badly for so long.

I think about his relationship with his slut and how they must have been so loving to one another. How can you say that it meant nothing? And why is that every man who cheats says that? Kinda makes you wonder how real it is... Or when I read that cheaters usually grovel back and beg you not to leave - how genuine is it if every one does it?

Some days I want to believe that he really does love me but there's always that "but why..." It's torture...it really is...I'm sure the slut really thought that he was going to leave me for her. I am sure that he thought the same at times...which crushes me. I hate this nightmare... I want to wake up.

6 comments:

  1. He didn't love her. Nothing close to it. Their whole relationship took place in a fantasy world, a million years away from the real world. He didnt know anything about her (the real her). He was high on infactuation and kept telling her what she wanted to hear in order to fuel the fantasy and keep his infactuation high.

    He didn't cheat because of you. He cheated because of him. He couldn't deal with the self esteem issues he had, so he created a fantasy world where he could escape to and avoid dealing with his issues. The woman he chose could have been anyone. She wasn't prettier, smarter or better than you. She simply was available and willing to take on the sleasy role of "mistress."

    She was nothing more than a cum dumpster. What kind of woman puts herself into the position of a mistress anyways? The wife gets the holidays, birthdays, etc. The mistress gets to wait around for him to call, then they meet up, and then he goes home to his wife and leaves her all alone and she has to wait until the next phone call. That's a pretty degrating role to be in. She must have had some serious self esteem issues herself. Nothing but a cum dumpster.

    BTW - There is a great blog about healing after affairs you should check out. It's written by a woman who has a story similar to yours (she caught her husband with a younger woman in a motel room). Check out the link:
    http://ezinearticles.com/?How-Can-He-Say-The-Affair-Meant-Nothing?&id=5881325

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  2. WOW! Your comment ROCKS. I really love what you have written and I will definitely check out that blog. Thank you so much for taking the time to write that... wow...

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  3. I can't remember where I found this article ...but I really liked it. It's directed at the "other person"

    Affairs and The "Other Woman": Lies Mistresses Tell Themselves


    Affairs unfortunately are impacting countless families and relationships. I decided to address this topic from a different angle--the angle of the mistress. Below are myths that many mistresses in the world believe. While I understand how and why they believe these stories, let me be clear that they are all MYTHS.

    1. I’m his true love. You may feel like his true love, however chances are his wife was also his true love at first. Most relationships are intimate and great in the beginning—your affair is no different. Affairs are easy to be intimate in -- you don’t have the demands of kids, jobs, finances, keeping things interesting after being together for ten years, etc.

    2. His wife is cold and doesn’t know how to keep him happy. His wife is not the cold, frigid witch that you may think she is or that he may paint her to be. I know many married couples who were having sex throughout the man’s affair and reported being happy with one another. Not everything the man tells you is true. More often than not, he’s lying to you the same way he’s lying to his wife; you’re no different. I can’t tell you how many other women were hurt to find out that their lover and his wife were still having sex. The other women were shocked to find out that the men were lying to them too. Don’t think you’re above his lies—you’re not. Be careful about thinking his wife is a cold witch because some day he’s likely to say the same about you.

    3. “I don’t care if he’s married. I don’t care about his wife—that’s her problem.” The notion that your sleeping with another woman’s husband is her problem is a lie you’re telling yourself. It’s your problem, too. If you were healthy, you would never be hooking up with someone who’s married because you would know that he was NOT healthy. Be attracted to him—yes. Sleep with him—no. When you sleep with a married man, you tell yourself that you’re not good enough to be someone’s number one. In addition, when you stop caring about the impact you have on other people in the world, you become the cold, uncaring witch you thought his wife was. Being hurtful to others has a way of coming back to haunt us. The more integrity you have in this lifetime, the better you and those around you will feel. Start caring about who you impact because ultimately that will impact you.


    4. He is going to leave his family for me. I can count on one hand the number of men who have left their families for an affair partner. More times than not, they beg their wives not to leave them once the wives find out. For those men who are conflicted, they still struggle with leaving their children even if they don’t care about their wives. It is a long, painful process for everyone involved. If the man you’re with doesn’t care about either his wife or his children—why do you want him?

    5. Once he leaves his wife, I will have his full attention and it will just be us. Once he leaves his wife, he will be guilt-ridden about losing his family and not seeing his children as much as he used to. You will never have him all to yourself—that is not how life works. If he has children, you will ALWAYS be sharing him with them. His children (if he is at all a good father) will always be a priority in his life.

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  4. I just printed this out - I think I will read it every day or at least when I am feeling down. All of this is so true ... you have no idea how much I wanted to tell his slut that we were sleeping together the whole time he was with her - I remember an email she sent right before they were going to meet "save yourself for me" HA. Did she really think that we weren't having sex? ...

    Thank you so much for visiting my blog and taking time to post this... feel good about yourself for helping someone! ;-)

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  5. We faithful and respectable women need to stick together against all those sleazy whores with no morals.

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