Phew... Thank goodness it's almost over...
All in all, I did pretty good today. I actually like not celebrating the anniversary because it joins my mind and heart a little more. If I haven't said before, I feel like my mind says, "Shame on you for staying with him after he betrayed you in the worst way!" but my heart says, "You love him and you know he loves you...why turn away from that?" I really think this not being married thing (legally we still are) is really what is working for me...
It's doesn't work for everyone though - my husband grandmother sent a text today to wish us a Happy Anniversary. I responded politely saying that we don't celebrate it anymore because "broken vows = broken marriage = no anniversary" She wrote back and said that it's a celebration of us finding each other. Can't agree with that because that would be in November then...which is when we met.
In my opinion, anniversaries are a celebration of the day that you stood before God and made a promise to be with one another (and only one another) for as long as you both shall live. Now, that promise was broken by him...so that day is basically a lie and is dissolved. All the meaning of that day has been taken away from me because he did not live up to his vows.
I mean it's fine with me not having the anniversary - I would rather just throw the wedding photos away too. They mean nothing now...it used to mean a lot to me... it was one of the most special days of my life - and now, it's just blah.
Oh and I forgot to mention that my husband's grandmother started on her spiel about forgiveness... this has nothing to do with forgiveness - it has to do with the fact that the day is not special anymore - I mean what if I forgive him - does that make the vows sacred again? Not really...I mean they were still broken. I just don't get it...
Okay, so I want to know - how many of you would still celebrate your anniversary and why?
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Phew... Thank goodness it's almost over...
This time last year, my husband was waking up texting his slut about how much he loves her. Then turning to me to tell me how much he loves me and wishing me a Happy Anniversary. This was the day I got married 8 years ago... That day was such an awesome day. I remember being so ready but yet so sick to my stomach because I knew how big the day was. I never doubted I wanted to marry him...however, I wish I could have seen into the future.
I'm trying to deal with today by acting like it is any other day. That's what this day is now so I better accept it and just take it for what it is...no longer a special day.
Monday, June 27, 2011
I haven't written here for months because life just got in the way. I would have something happen and then another thing happen and then I just got overwhelmed to have to come here and write it all out. But, today I received an email from someone who is where I was about 4 months ago and I felt like it was time to come back.
I am struggling right now. Tomorrow would have been our 8th anniversary. No, we didn't get a divorce, I just have chosen to not celebrate our anniversary ever again. When my stupid husband had the affair he broke the promise he made to me on that day 8 years ago and when a promise is broken - it's broken for good. I mean really, why make a promise if it can be broken and then made again? Yeah...not possible in my book.
So what do I feel right now? Like I am mourning the death of someone special. But in this case, it's not a person but it's my marriage. I mourn that special day that we had standing up at the alter promising that we would be faithful to one another for the rest of our lives... And again, I find myself thinking, "And it wasn't even my fault."
You may say, "Well, why don't you just celebrate how you are getting through this huge bomb that went off in your marriage?" Because that's not what you celebrate on an anniversary. An anniversary to celebrate the day you committed yourself to one another. It shouldn't be a day to say, "YAY...even though you broke our marriage vows, we are still "married"" Seems a bit ridiculous to me...
Not to insult anyone else who does believe that they should still celebrate their anniversary...it's just not me. I will wallow in my self-pity and mourn the day. Tomorrow night I will look back and think, "Thank God that's over..."
This is the beginning of me writing on this blog again, so check back often I have SO SO SO much good stuff to tell you. You will be really surprised at how life works ...or at least how mine does.