Relationship Problems – Dealing with Infidelity

Being betrayed in a relationship is, without question, an incredibly painful and often devastating blow. But, how you deal with the fallout from that nuclear, infidelity blast will, inevitably, determine your future. Depending on the course you plot, it can either be laced with happiness or laden with more pain and betrayal. Granted, your partner did cheat on you! So, if you decide to pull the plug on your relationship, no one would blame you. But, before you do, I would recommend that you ponder the following questions:

Why did you attract unfaithful behavior?

How can you avoid attracting more of that behavior in the future – regardless if you decide to remain with your current partner or not?

OK! Before you get your knickers in a twist, let me explain! I do not condone infidelity as acceptable behavior. In fact, I believe it to be a morally repugnant act! Additionally, I am not blaming you for your partner’s moral failings! What he did was wrong, however, if you throw in the towel too quick, what will you learn from the situation? Moreover, if you decide to pull the plug on the relationship, what will be different next time? Whether you can see it at this point or not, you did contribute to your partner’s infidelity. And, until you can grasp that concept, nothing will change.

Infidelity is often misunderstood, and that is why most couples fail when it comes to saving or reconciling their relationship. It’s also the reason why many women continue to experience unfaithful behavior in one relationship after another. To overcome infidelity, you must understand the foundation. Most women believe that men are unfaithful either as a result of a momentary failure in judgment or because that’s just simply the way they are. Some men may, indeed, be insensitive, fornicating barbarians; however, most men are not. Furthermore, that isn’t why they cheat. The majority of men cheat because their emotional needs aren’t being met. As a result, they attempt to fill that void with an extra-marital relationship. Once again, I do not condone such behavior. However, if you fail to understand why your partner strayed and how you contributed to the situation – nothing will change! Truthfully, at the core of all unmet emotional needs are always fear and insecurity. Take a moment to self-reflect. Have you inadvertently driven your partner away? Do you struggle with a fear of abandonment, rejection or trust? Has your low level of self-esteem or confidence caused you to become needy, clingy or smothering? These qualities are not attractive to anyone, and they often drive a wedge between partners. Let’s face it, love is giving. And, surely, you can’t force someone to give their love to you. It must be attracted – period! To accomplish that goal, you must be willing to grow and evolve on a personal level. If you want to uncover the truth about whether your relationship can be reconciled and put an end to the cycle of unfaithful behavior, this is the correct approach. Sure, you can demand that your partner cease and desist, and you can police his behavior, but your efforts will fail. Love is like a magnet, so it can’t be pushed or forced. It must be attracted! So, you must change your energy by transforming yourself. Deal with your issues and become a strong, confident and loving woman, and you’ll be surprised at your partners renewed interest.

Just the other day, a subscriber who followed the approach I’ve described above, sent me an email. After embracing a path of self growth and working through her fears and insecurities, her partner ended his affair, returned home, and now feels that he’s the lucky one! Bottom line, he won’t go looking if he already sees what he wants. At the end of the day, you don’t have to go out for a Kit Kat Bar if you’ve got Lady Godiva Truffles at home!

Regards,

David Roppo

The Relationship Rehab Coach

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