I Should Have Never Married

Sometimes I wish I never married. Don't get me wrong...I love my kids...more than anything in the whole world. I just wish I had them without the marriage part. Seriously, there are days like today that I just think marriage is just too much work. Too much work without enough happiness to balance it out. Of course, I am a wife of a cheater. So yeah, that has a ton to do with the happiness factor. I've worked so hard for 7 years to make my husband happy and what do I receive in return...a big affair. WHOOHOO!!!! I feel so lucky...

Contacting the Mistress - Is it Appropriate?

I received an email from a reader the other day that made me think about whether or not it's appropriate to contact the mistress. In my opinion, nah....


Even though I think my husband's mistress is a dumb, immature, slutty bitch... I don't really need to concern myself with her. It was my husband's responsibility to stay away from her and it was his fault that the affair happened. She didn't tie him up and rape him. He willingly had relations with her and had a relationship with her.

I think some people have an issue blaming themselves and the people who really should be put at blame. They have an easier time looking outside of themselves and the reality of where the problem lies. Like I said, it's not  like I don't blame my husband's mistress at all, I just don't think she deserves any of my time. I don't need to discipline her. I need to discipline my husband and look at our relationship for reasons why it happened.

What do you think about contacting the mistress?

I Am Green with Jealousy About the Affair

That's right. I am jealous. I want to experience the excitement of doing something so wrong. If you haven't had an affair, can you imagine how much passion was in the sex because it was just so wrong. Dang. Whatever, I want that. Sure, sex with my husband is fine because we love each other. But I bet the sex he had with her was spectacular. Not only that, because it was so new, it was great just because of that.

I want that. I am so jealous that my husband had that and I can't. Sure, I could go out and have an affair. Would I? Absolutely not. I would never disrespect my children that way. Come on, what kind of mother would I be to cheat on my husband. Yeah, exactly. My selfish husband never thought about that. It's also funny how I didn't say that I would never disrespect my husband that way. How could I care about disrespecting him after how disrespectful he was to me. He would deserve me to cheat on him, however, my kids do not deserve that.

I am an example to my children. I am an example of how they should live life. Now, what kind of example would I be if I went off with another man who wasn't their father? It disgusts me.

If I were selfish, like many cheaters, I wouldn't even think about it and fulfill my desire of having the same type of relationship he had with his mistress. However, I care too much about other people to hurt them as much as my husband has hurt me. I wish everyone would think about others before thinking of only themselves...there may not be so many cheaters in the world.

Infidelity Demotivational Poster

Infidelity Rage Has Turned to Infidelity Sadness

I've been having a time lately. It seems as though I have lost my rage. However, now, it's more like sadness. But it's not like I am just sad, I am done right depressed over it. The realization that my husband cheated on me makes me feel so low. You would have thought that I would have already realized the sadness in my husband's infidelity but I think the rage was just more powerful and pushed the sadness aside so it could show it's ugly head. Now the rage is exhausted and the sadness has finally been able to peak through.

I've had some trouble sleeping next to my husband at night. It's not something I've decided not to do, it's just that when I sleep next to him, I spend most of the night thinking of the affair. However, when he is away on the boat or I move to the couch, my thoughts ease and I am able to drift off to sleep. I sleep rather well too. However, if I happen to fall asleep next to him, I have nightmares or wake up several  times a night. It's as though his aura infiltrates my being and I just am not at peace. I am not sure what has changed but this is something new.

The other night, my husband confronted me about it because it hurts him that I keep sleeping on the couch. Okay, buddy, THAT hurts you? Try being a victim of infidelity. But anyway, I crashed and told him. Then I proceeded to sob harder than I have ever sobbed before. Oh I was such a mess. Dang, how different than what I have been like about the affair. Usually, I am so rageful that I could burn the house done...now, I just melt into the floor in devastation.

I guess it's another part of the process of infidelity recovery. It's so weird to see myself progressing through different stages and not even trying. I just hope that I come out of this without permanent damage mentally or emotionally...