My husband spoke to his grandmother yesterday, at which time, she told him that she spoke to her daughter (husband's aunt) and she said that she thought we should get a divorce. She knows everything husband did or at least the gist of it.
My husband was upset over her reaction as was his grandmother who is the biggest reinforcer of his golden childness. Heaven forbid anyone ever say anything negative about her darling grandson…
But anyway, I told him that this was not surprising and is the exact reason why I had cut myself off from people. If I were in someone else's shoes, I would too think we should get a divorce. He cheated on me…had a girlfriend…why wouldn't his wife leave him? People in different situations don't understand why we are trying to work this out and it is what it is.
Why is it that my explanation made my husband upset? Oh because it doesn't go along with his all goodness he has going for him. Honestly, this whole, I am being such a great husband and person now is really starting to affect me. You did a bad thing and you shouldn't be proud of the consequences of that bad thing.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Family Thoughts on the Affair
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That sounds exactly like my brother. All his life my mother petted, praised, complemented and told him he could do no wrong. She put him up on a pedestal.
ReplyDeleteWhen my brother cheated on his wife, my mother went to great lengths to keep it hush, hush. (God forbid anyone learn that her son was a selfish ass). And when it got out anyways (they lived in a small town where gossip spreads like fire) she totally twisted the story and blamed his wife for everything.
This is just my theory, but I think in the long term being put up on a pedestal actually damages your self esteem. True self esteem is something that comes from within you. If start to rely on it to come from another person, you never truly learn to develop it on your own. You become insecure and constantly look to others to boost you up.
If you and your husband are going to counselling, you should ask the counsellor to make a plan for your husband to learn how to improve his self esteem. I think it might improve your overall relationship.
Anyways, that’s my two cents
Oh yeah...except his family isn't blaming me - they are blaming the death of his grandfather, which pushed him over the edge.
ReplyDeleteYeah, you are so right. He doesn't have his own self-esteem - he relies on others for it. Gosh...I never thought of that before. But that does make sense with the affair and all...THANKS
Some people cheat maybe because they think they cannot get what they want in their partners. It's a bad thing to do, but maybe they are not prepared for rejection when they want something new to try. But of course, this reason does not justify their means. It is really frustrating when you learn that your partner cheated on you,my husband was cheating and i was able to catch him through the help of a cyber genius who hacked his phone and gave me remote access to his phone without touching it,he was surprised how i was able to confront him with so much proof..you can contact this hacker if ever your partner's commitment is in doubt,he is reachable via Email=hackingloop6 @ g m a i l . c o m, or you can text +1(7 1 2)2 9 2 6 5 5,tell him i referred you.
ReplyDeleteI found out about my husband’s seven month affair last April,most things are really awful. Never could I have anticipated the depths of trauma I experienced, pain and rage so intense it felt like it would have been easier to die than live through. We have Two beautiful children aged eight and under and as far as I’m concerned he cheated on every one of us.But all thanks to 'hackingloop6@ gmail . c o m' for their investigative and hacking service that helped me gain access to all his phone activities remotely,though the saga was so painful,but i feel much better facing my fears. We’re still together and his sense of shame and remorse is enormous and I do realize how deeply he regrets what he did. However we are a very long way from healed and it remains to be seen whether our relationship can survive.Contact hackinloop also on + 1712-292-2655 if you are going through similar situation he is legit and reliable.There should be No reason to cheat,be it emotional or what-so-ever.
ReplyDelete