Monday, January 23, 2012

Renewal of Vows After the Affair and Faith

My husband has become spiritual since the affair. He has opened himself up to God and has really taken an interest in turning his life around.

Yesterday, we went to speak to the priest about him becoming baptized and confirmed in the Catholic church. The priest asked if we were married in the Catholic church. We explained to him that we weren't because it was important to my husband that we get married in a specific church in his hometown since his whole family for generations had been married in that church. It's Methodist.

The priest said it was completely fine but that we would have to renew our vows so that I would have the sacrament of marriage in the Catholic church. HUH?

I immediately felt sick. What do you mean we have to renew vows... I don't want to do that. My husband cheated on me...made a promise to God that he would be faithful to me forever and broke it. Now, he wants to make another promise. Nope, don't think so.

In mass, the priest talked about dropping your net and following Him. I felt like this is a message from God saying that I should have faith in Him and renew our vows. Kind of like forgiving him completely and moving forward with a new marriage with my faith in God that this time my husband would fulfill that promise.

It still didn't feel right to me. I spoke to my awesome friend, who uncovered something.

It may not be my husband's promise that I am running away may actually be the promise that I would need to make to God in that I wouldn't end the marriage.

Since the affair, I don't truly believe in the vows of marriage. I also don't feel so wrong about divorce. I feel more easily swayed to take that path of divorce than I did before. I can't make a promise that says, "till death do us part."

I don't know what will happen in the future. I don't know if I may end up divorcing him. I can't make a promise to God and then break it. I can't betray him that way. At least not now... and I don't know if I ever will.

I think this is where society goes so wrong sometimes. They make promises and then break them. I know that God forgives...but I can't make him a promise after what I've been through and the realization that I could make the decision to divorce.

I will know when it's right for me to do something like and right now isn't it...