God Speaks to Me Again - My Husband the Canaanite Woman

Before I start this post - just wanted to add something to my last post - other signs that my husband overlooked - his slut is from the same place (up north) where I spent the first 7 years of my life, which is rare since they met or we lived (down south). Wouldn't you think he would be like "Hey, my wife is from there." But no, that's not a sign of anything...idiot.

Or here's another sign. Her middle name is the same name as his ex-fiance who rescheduled their wedding three times and then broke up with him over the phone. Wouldn't you think, "Wow that gives me a bad feeling ... I don't like that name" Again...what an idiot.

Anyway, now for today's post.

My faith has always been strong but it's never been as strong as it is now. Whenever I go to mass, I always here a message being sent to me from the readings and liturgy. It's as if God is really trying to help me through all of this mess the best way that I need to be helped.

This past Sunday, we heard this story:

Matthew 15:21-28

New International Version (NIV)

The Faith of a Canaanite Woman

 ²¹ Leaving that place, Jesus withdrew to the region of Tyre and Sidon. ²² A Canaanite woman from that vicinity came to him, crying out, “Lord, Son of David, have mercy on me! My daughter is demon-possessed and suffering terribly.”  ²³ Jesus did not answer a word. So his disciples came to him and urged him, “Send her away, for she keeps crying out after us.”
 ²⁴ He answered, “I was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel.”
 ²⁵ The woman came and knelt before him. “Lord, help me!” she said.
 ²⁶ He replied, “It is not right to take the children’s bread and toss it to the dogs.”
 ²⁷ “Yes it is, Lord,” she said. “Even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their master’s table.”
 ²⁸ Then Jesus said to her, “Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.” And her daughter was healed at that moment.

 Now, you may wonder how in the world does this have anything to do with my situation. Let's think of the Canaanite woman as my cheating husband. While she hasn't done anything necessarily bad, she is scorned and looked badly upon by others, just like my husband does (notice how Jesus' friends are saying "Send her away, for she keeps crying out after us.") just like society would say "Don't stay with a cheater! Ditch that selfish pig!".

Jesus tries to ignore her because she isn't the most desirable person around... he wants to turn away but he just can't and knows that he shouldn't. He knows deep down inside that he isn't that kind of person. So when she begs and begs...and begs (much like my husband who has begged and begged and begged for me to stay and for my forgiveness or at least a second chance) ....he grants her the wish she desires (and so did I for my husband).

How powerful is that? What does this show me? That God knows what I have gone through, he knows my pain and he knows what is inside me. He knows me as well as he knows Jesus. I gave in to my cheating husband as Jesus gave in to the Canaanite - because we knew it was the right thing to do because they had faith and determination. No matter how much we told them to get away from us, no matter how horribly we treated them because we were disgusted with them (Jesus calling the Canaanite woman a dog and me calling my husband ...well, just about everything), they didn't turn away, they accepted the attacks and they continued to come back and beg for our acceptance.

If that's not a strong strong belief in us, I don't know what is... if my husband didn't truly feel as though he needed/wanted me, he wouldn't have fought to keep me the way he did. If he didn't love me, he wouldn't fight to prove to me that he loves me. Does this mean that I don't have ill feelings towards him? No. Does this mean that I am cured? No. It means that I am starting to realize that I have been hurt and God knows I have been and he is by my side helping me see that even though I have been pained, I am doing what I have to do to recover.

He showed me the actions of a great man like Jesus and how my actions reflected his... what more of a message could I have asked for?

Signs from God

The whole time my husband was cheating on me, I was given signs from God. Even the first day that he crossed the line with her (not sex but just flirting, I knew something was in the air, I just didn't know what). Anyway, after church Sunday my cheater said, "I wish God had sent me signs when I was going down the wrong path..." All I could say is, "He did, you just weren't listening." And he just didn't get it. It wasn't until I pointed the signs out that he started to see that he completed missed them just like the man who drowned in the storm. Do you know that story?

One night, there was a terrible storm. Flooding was scheduled for the town. A man was in his home and his neighbor came by to ask if he wanted a ride to the nearby shelter. The man said that he was staying home because God would save him. The flood waters started to rise and flood out his first floor so he climbed to the second floor. Another neighbor came by in a boat and asked if he would like a boat ride to safety, and the man said that he was safe already because God would save him. As the water rose, he walked up to the roof. This time, a pilot in a helicopter flew by and told him to hop in, but the man declined again saying that God would save him. The man's house was washed away and he drowned. When he reached the Heavenly Gates and approached God, he asked, "Why did you save me?" God said this to him, "I tried! I sent three people to save you and you turned them all away!"

My husband likes this story and I told him that this story is a lot like his. Right after he left for his deployment, I begged on the phone for him to come home because I knew he was not fit for being away from family. However, he declined and said that he had a job to do and he intended on doing it. I also advised him that it was not a good idea to hang out with the crowd he started to hang out with many times, but he was adamant that he needed to because they were the only ones who would go out and drink (which is what he wanted to do for stress relief). Now, you may just think I was being a nagging wife but I wasn't commanding, I feel that God was speaking through me. The only way to get the message across since my husband was only speaking with me.

But if you aren't convinced? Want to know a sure sign? When he made the email to correspond with her and send all those nasty email messages and photos? Guess what the email service automatically generated for the number? 2830...

28 - the day of our wedding in June
30 - the day of his birthday in June

Now, when you make an email account and have to put that in repeatedly - wouldn't something click after awhile? It didn't take me long....

God doesn't come right out and says, "HEY STUPID...STOP BEING AN IDIOT." No, he is going to point things out and have you come to the conclusion yourself. If you can't do that, then that's on you. If you know the signs to look for and follow them, then you are in tune with God. I think it takes a conscious effort to realize God is helping you. You have to look around you and do what your faith in God tells you to do. The rest will fall in place. If you don't, the rest will fall out of place.