Saturday, November 20, 2010

Three Types of Cheaters

Photographer: graur codrin
As I delve more into the world of infidelity, I am starting to realize that not everyone has the same reason for cheating. Infidelity is much more complicating than someone just wanting to have sex with someone else. It also has much more to do with just meeting someone new and sharing emotions with the person. When you look at the bigger picture, cheating has to do with an underlying motivation. So to recover from infidelity, it's important to look deeper into the reason why rather than the what (as in what happened).

From my readings on cheaters, here are some of the themes I have found:

Distorted Reality Cheater
This type of cheater wants to run away from something in his/her life that is unpleasant and run to someone who doesn't have anything to do with the unpleasantries he/she has to face in reality. So the cheater creates this fantasy world with this person that is completely separate from the truth. When the distorted reality cheater is away with his/her fantasy person, life left behind stops and vanishes for the time being. There is no thought to what is going on in the "other world".

Excitement Addict Cheater
This person is addicted to excitement. Cheating is forbidden and that is what makes it exciting. If it weren't for the spouse, being with the person he/she is cheating on wouldn't be half as wonderful as it seems it is. It's the getting away with cheating and not being caught that is addictive. It's a rush when you go off to meet someone new knowing that you are so sly in being able to pull it off.

Revenge Cheater
This isn't only for the people who have been cheated on themselves, but also for people who are just resentful to their spouse. People who continue to live in unhappy marriages will overtime begin to resent their spouse for anything he/she matter if it's fair or not. This type of cheater will cheat because it's a secret way to get back at the spouse even though he/she may not find out for a long time.

Knowing these types of cheaters will not only help you if you've been betrayed but it can help you even if you haven't been. Knowing the signs of cheating by looking out for your spouse distancing him/herself, looking for drama or excitment and acting resentful can really help you work on your relationship before it's gone the route of infidelity.


  1. Infidelity Rage BloggerNovember 21, 2010 at 11:24 PM

    I feel the need to defend myself because one of my Twitter followers believes that I am justifying infidelity with my reasoning behind why men and women cheat.

    CHEATING IS NEVER ACCEPTABLE. I do not justify or condone cheating AT ALL. Believe me, I am staying with husband because I accept what he has done and think it's alright.

    What I am doing is trying to find some sort of comfort in knowing that as long as he is getting help for the reasons that led him to being so stupid that I can continue to work on this marriage. My husband was the Distorted Reality Cheater. He also has bipolar disorder. Do I use that as an excuse...ABSOLUTELY NOT. It's just like when you are drink. You're inhabitions are low but you still have a choice.

    Many people want answers for the reasons why their loved one cheated. I attempted to show them that they can make some sort of sense of it all NOT so they can lay down and take it.

    So PLEASE ...don't ever think I am justifying this behavior. Not at all and I never will.

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