I knew it! Genetics does play a part in infidelity. When I found out my husband cheated on me I wondered if it may be something in his DNA. His father cheated multiple times on his wives (yes, wives) and his grandad (who he refers to his real dad because he raised him) cheated on his grandmother multiple times.
It's no excuse for cheating though. We are all predisposed for something. That doesn't mean we do it or get whatever it is. It means we look out for signs and deal with those signs. Granted he didn't know he should have been aware because up until now he didn't even know that his grandad did what he did. However, you don't just do whatever feels good because it's not always good, as we know in infinity.
If someone can't control their urges, then professional help is in order. Genetics aren't the end all in anything...fight through DNA and fight hard. Infidelity isn't cancer (something you can't always control), cheating is an action, one that you can keep yourself from doing. Hey, even if you have to tie yourself up in a straight jacket.
It's no excuse for cheating though. We are all predisposed for something. That doesn't mean we do it or get whatever it is. It means we look out for signs and deal with those signs. Granted he didn't know he should have been aware because up until now he didn't even know that his grandad did what he did. However, you don't just do whatever feels good because it's not always good, as we know in infinity.
If someone can't control their urges, then professional help is in order. Genetics aren't the end all in anything...fight through DNA and fight hard. Infidelity isn't cancer (something you can't always control), cheating is an action, one that you can keep yourself from doing. Hey, even if you have to tie yourself up in a straight jacket.
It may not be exactly DNA, but I know what you're saying. My husband also came from a family of cheaters and divorced parents. His mom cheated on his dad, then she cheated on the 2nd husband. Her 2nd husband later cheated on her. Also her father (the granddad) cheated on both his 1st and 2nd wives), and never lived with the 3rd.....
ReplyDeleteSo it seems like there is a trend in that family. Almost like infidelity and divorce were bound to happen. As if we were already statistically doomed. (http://divorcingmrwrong.wordpress.com/2010/11/20/statistically-doomed/.
I'm thinking next time - I will definitely be checking out the family history before I get involved ;)
I love to do a survey of all people who cheat to see who has a history of infidelity in their family. Just to see if there is some sort of link. Again, no reason for it, but it would be interesting.
ReplyDeleteI was the one who cheated. On my side of the family there hasn't been unfaithfulness. My affair partner's father cheated on his 3 wives, his mother cheated as well. His father even accused HIM of cheating with his stepmother.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I have shielded my infidelity from our 4 kids...and because of that, I wonder if there ever has been unfaithfulness on my side of the family...maybe there was, but it's been kept a secret?? My parents have been married for 60 years.
Thank you for writing your blog--your perspective is wonderful and helps in knowing how the other side feels.
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