Last week, we were in Virginia because my husband had training. Virginia is where my best friend lives (the one that wrote me that horrible letter a few months back that I posted - My Best Friend Turns Against Me). I decided to text her to meet for dinner because I kept thinking about it and since I was thinking about it, I figured it must mean something.
I tried to act like nothing ever happened but she wouldn’t allow it. After we had dinner with both of our families, she asked if we could have lunch. Lunch started out the same way (acting as if nothing happened) but I kept getting this vibe from her. So finally I said, “Okay let’s do this” She said, “THANK YOU!”
We then discussed the letter…and of course, she has her side and I have mine. I could tell that she was really broken hearted by how she hurt me. It really touched my heart when she said that she has lost many people in her life through death and other ways but she has never cried as much as she has cried for me. I could tell she was genuine and she admitted that should have never sent the letter and she should have thought of me and my state of mind when she said what she said.
After hearing her, I could feel myself release something…all of a sudden I said, “I forgive you…” And followed with, “I forgive you in my own definition of forgiveness. People tell me forgiveness is about accepting what happened and moving on even if you do hold on to what happened. But in my definition, forgiveness is forgetting what happened and not having any sort of hard feelings from it. It’s as if it never happened.”
The surge I felt when I said those three words was amazing. I forgive you… powerful stuff.
As I left our lunch, I contemplated that feeling and then wondered if I could ever feel that way about my husband. Could I ever truly forgive him for what he did…. I just can’t see how. Many people believe I have forgiven him because I came back to him and we are working it out….but really, in my definition, I don’t think I ever will….