Wednesday, October 21, 2015

What To Do When Your Spouse Admits To Cheating On You

There are lots of life situations that are hard to prepare for like getting fired or down sized from a job. No one tells you what it's like and even if they do it's not the same as actually going through it. The same goes for getting a divorce. You think you are ready for it until it sets in that you will be splitting up for good with the one person you once would have given your life for. Another reality of life you really can't prepare for is how to deal with infidelity.

You can't go online, watch the news or read a newspaper without seeing a story about infidelity. It's easy to take for granted the pain and suffering a family dealing with infidelity faces when it's not your family. However, what should you do when and if your spouse confesses to you that he or she is having an affair?

Here are some simple but effective strategies to follow upon learning of the infidelity;

• Get control of your emotions

• Prepare To Discuss The Infidelity

• Make logical decisions

Getting Control Of Your Emotions

I assure you that upon hearing about your spouse's cheating you will be on an emotional rollercoaster. You will feel sadness like you never felt before. Shame and anger will be competing for your attention. You will feel bitter and frustrated as each day passes and you realize that this is really happening to you. There will be days when you awake, wondering if you were just having a bad dream.

It's utterly important that you reign in those emotions. You won't be able to suppress your anger but you can control it. The quicker you can get control of your emotions the easier it will be to recover from the infidelity.

Prepare To Discuss The Infidelity

One of the ways to stay in control is to schedule discussions about the affair. If you have off the cuff discussions regarding the cheating you may lose it emotionally. What I have found useful is when couples plan to meet and have jotted down some key questions or statements ahead of time. If you don't plan conversations about the affair you may end up with continuous finger-pointing and shouting matches.

Make Logical Decisions

Most spouses dealing with a cheating spouse try to make the best decision possible for their marriage and family. In some cases it makes sense for immediate separation if there is any possibility for physical confrontations to occur.

For example, when my mother found out that my dad had an affair she decided to pump a few bullets into him. She pleaded self-defense and got off with probation. He survived the incident and carries around one bullet today that the Doctors couldn't remove as a reminder of the price he paid for cheating.

That wasn't a logical choice my mom made to shoot him but it was an emotional one. That's why I say you have to get control of your emotions and make logical decisions.

There is no way to prepare to deal with the aftermath of finding out about and affair. Regardless of what you think you will do there is a good chance it turn out the way you envisioned it.

Affairs are happening every day in our families, neighborhoods, churches, places of employment and unfortunately they will continue to happen. For some couples it's not a question of if it will happen but when.

If you are experiencing the painful process of dealing with infidelity my heart aches with yours. No one should have to endure such pain and anguish. I hope the 3 tips I noted above help you in some way. Please hang in there and don't give up. If you need more help on recovering from infidelity, please see here; Dealing With Infidelity

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