Surviving Infidelity

Surviving infidelity is a painful journey. As one of the worst betrayals, it throws you back on yourself for support. Once the infidelity is brought to light, your options can be severely limited. If a discovery or confession of infidelity coincides with the unfaithful spouse calling off the marriage, you have little recourse if you’d like the option of working things out.

Surviving infidelity is a painful journey. As one of the worst betrayals, it throws you back on yourself for support. Once the infidelity is brought to light, your options can be severely limited. If a discovery or confession of infidelity coincides with the unfaithful spouse calling off the marriage, you have little recourse if you’d like the option of working things out.

If the infidelity does not bring the marriage to a screeching halt, there are multiple issues to sort out among the options of:
1) determining if infidelity is a non-negotiable for either of you,
2) staying married,
3) deciding who to turn to for support as a couple and as individuals,
4) having a trial separation,
5) considering divorce, and
6) how to communicate this rocky road with children and other family members.

You may have read or heard that when infidelity occurs, it isn’t the problem but a symptom of deeper problems. When it happens to you, the truth of that becomes crystal clear. Everything that led to this day of discovery can come flooding to the surface, with both of you throwing blame and resentment at each other as you try to keep from drowning in the grief and the reality that there is no turning back.

So how do you survive infidelity? First, you begin where you are, with you. You feel your feelings of grief, loss, shock, anger, and whatever else comes up for you. You even allow yourself some crazy fantasies about your partner, as long as you do not act on them. These things are normal, best embraced and not run from. Healing yourself and your life needs to be your top concern.

Then you prepare for some of the toughest work of your life! Whether you and your spouse decide the relationship will continue or end, the best way to begin to take your life back is by taking 100% responsibility for where you are this point. That may sound provocative, so keep reading because there is tremendous promise in that statement. It has nothing to do with blaming yourself or finding yourself at fault. It does have to do with not only surviving infidelity, but thriving.

Taking 100% responsibility means looking at you as a powerful creator who has attracted every person, animal, circumstance, experience, essentially everything to you as a mirror reflection of both who you are and who you desire to become! Let us begin with the present circumstance of a spouse that cheated.

Accepting that you are a powerful creator who attracted your spouse and this present situation into your life and that you are prepared to take responsibility for that, ask yourself what he or she and the betrayal mirror for you. Perhaps the mirror is showing you that you do not value yourself as worthy of fidelity and better love. Maybe you have issues with jealousy and insecurity so that the mirror of this situation tells you it’s time to master these issues so you can take you and your life to a higher, better level. It may be that your spouse never loved you such that the mirror is offering you release from suffering you have endured for the length of your marriage.

Whatever the mirror of this situation and these people reveal to you will be personal for you. Chances are self-worth is part of the issue. However, take the time to investigate for yourself what it is you can learn from what may be the worst thing that has ever happened to you.

Even if you choose to remain married, your present and future have been undeniably altered by the betrayal. You have a long journey ahead of you. Whether you remain married or separate, there will be nights when you think the pain will never end. It will. You will have family and friends who will want your life to get back to normal within six months. It won’t. Find those people in your life who have the patience to be there for you seven months, a year, or however long it takes for life to feel normal for you again.

The betrayal may have stolen the future you had mapped out. But you will get your life back. You will experience normalcy again. You will have joy, passion, love, and delight again. When you perceive the present as a mirror for you of your power as a creator, you will not only survive infidelityComputer Technology Articles, you will thrive.


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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Joseph Malinak is a certified Magi Counselor using The Cards of Destiny and a life coach specializing in relationships. The co-author of Getting Back to Love and Create the Love You Want, you can get a FREE video e-course, 10 Secrets to a Successful Relationship, by visiting him at

http://www.JosephMalinak.com.

Advice for Spouses Suffering from Their Ashley Madison Cheaters

Well, there's going to be a lot of people who are going to go through what I did about five years ago. I feel for them. It's horrific.

If that's you - welcome to my blog. I started this blog after I discovered my husband had a girlfriend. Yep, sure did - for 8 months. Crazy, I know, but hey, you've got something crazy going on now too.

Look - it's not easy - actually, it's one of the most difficult things you'll ever go through.

What's most important to understand at this point in your life is that it will get better and you WILL survive this... It may not seem like it, but you will.

The Ashley Madison thing has basically just proved what many women had already suspected of their husbands. If they didn't suspect, they weren't looking hard enough. They were in denial. It's easy to do, but never good to do.

You can't be in denial when you have proof...and honestly, proof is the beginning of the recovery. You wouldn't be in infidelity recovery, if you didn't find out for sure.

My advice right now besides going back to maybe my first post ever on this blog? Breathe. Take it one minute, one hour, one day at a time. Don't make any decisions right now. Just step back and take care of yourself and if you have kids, take care of them. Each day will present some unique challenges - do what you must do... You are in survival mode right now. SURVIVE IT.

Until next time... hang in there.

Mourning the Death of my Wedding - Year 4

Today marks four years since the last time we celebrated our Anniversary. On the last day of our anniversary, my husband was emailing his girlfriend about how he didn't have much service where we were, so he wouldn't be able to email as much. We had gone to some island, watched the boats pass by with drinks, and had a dinner. We had left our kids with his grandmother... It was nice, except his thoughts on our anniversary weren't with me, they were with his girlfriend. My husband had a girlfriend. This is why we no longer celebrate our anniversary.

I'm crying as I write this because it's not fair to me. I should be able to celebrate this day. Be happy that we have been married for 11 years. I can't though...it doesn't seem right. 11 years ago this day, he made a promise that he would not be unfaithful. We exchanged rings. Seven years later he was taking that ring off, so he could be unfaithful. He lied on that day... on this day 11 years ago.

I hate him for this....I really do. Of course, I could be thankful that I'm not divorced. I have my family here with me. I'm just so sad that I've lost that magic of our wedding day. I can't look at it as a special day of my life. I look at it as the day that turned into a lie, and it wasn't even my fault. I didn't do anything to deserve it.

I'll never be completely over the affair. It's four years later, and here I am crying in front of my computer like I did four years ago. It sucks...

I haven't said anything to my husband about this because he doesn't understand. He cheated and I suffer. That's been the common theme through this whole ordeal. I'm the one who has the issues. He just moves on as if he never did anything. What he gets sad about is that when his grandfather was dying, he didn't spend more time with him because he was gallivanting around with his slut. Does he get upset about the devastation I've been put through? No.

I went grocery shopping this evening. That's how I spent my Saturday night. He's watching the UFC fight. He's sensitive to me like that. Even though we don't celebrate it, he could have at least said, "Hey let's watch TV together tonight." He could have said something other than, "What are you doing for dinner tonight?" That was the last of it. I just said, "Well, I'm going grocery shopping...so I guess you'll figure something out."

I guess I'll go wash my face and go to bed now. I just want this to end. The pain and sadness is just too much. No one understands....No one cares...No one knows. It's my personal struggle now. It's just me. It's lonely. It sucks.

I'll make it through though. This is part of my life. This is what has happened to me. I am better than what has happened to me. I may not be able to look back at my wedding and love it. I may not be able to say, "YAY my husband and I have been married for 11 years." I may never wear a wedding ring again. There's one thing I know I will do though...I will be okay. I've made it this far...

Cheating, Cheating, Everyone is Cheating

Saturday was supposed to be my 11th wedding anniversary, but to me, it's just a reminder of the broken promises my stupid husband made to me. I'm getting rather irritated by it. It doesn't help that everywhere I look, people are cheating. Really? Why are people so stupid.

Did you hear that Kendra Wilkinson just found out her husband cheated on her while she was pregnant? It's an allegation, but it probably happened. Stupid idiot.

It's not just men, women are stupid too. Kendra's friend's husband just committed suicide. Why? Because Kendra's friend was cheating on him. I sure wish he didn't kill himself over it because he shouldn't have had to suffer a lost life because of his wife's stupidity.

People are stupid. I'm sorry, but they are. Why does anyone cheat? It's the stupidest thing ever. I hate it. I hate it so much.

Ugh...Whatever to Cheaters that Stay in their Cheater Relationship

Looked up my friend that cheated on her husband and left him. Definitely still with the guy she cheated on her husband with... Ugh. Yeah, totally wish they weren't together. It's BS.