Friday, November 26, 2010

The Death of a Marriage After an Affair

I once heard someone say that you never really accept that someone you love has died. Instead, you learn to live without the person. I think that a marriage after an affair is very similar to this...again, because the marriage was killed by the infidelity.

I really don't think I'll ever be able to accept that my husband cheated on me. I don't even know if I can go there in my mind. It's just so painful and I'm already in so much pain. However, as time goes on, I see myself learning to live with this history. I'll most likely carry it around with me like a battle wound of some sort.

Extreme trauma can change you forever and influence choices you make in the future. I may never be able to see my husband as the man I married. However, I may see him as my husband, the father of my children and someone who has hurt me so incredibly bad. It may be a defense mechanism in that as long as I keep him as "the cheater" in my mind, I will always be careful not to get too sure of him. I guess that's the same as not truly ever being able to trust him again....

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