Monday, November 15, 2010

Infidelity's Impact On Children

I HATE that my daughter and son had to be with me when I found out about my husband's physical affair. I was so enraged that I had no control over what I said in front of them and that pains me.

The night my daughter was born, I held her close and told her that I would protect her. I just didn't fulfill that promise that night. Before you think I am a horrible mother putting my kids in the middle of this, know that I didn't really know what I was walking into that night (I had suspicion that I was trying to prove wrong to myself) and we were in the process of moving to a faraway town away from friends and family, which is where I went to "surprise" him. Instead of finding an empty room with only his stuff (he was out watching the UFC fight) I found her stuff there as well.

After finding out about the affair, my husband did not handle it well, especially in front of the kids. He would throw himself on the floor, wail, and throw up. He was a mess and it happened on more then a half a dozen times.

My daughter who is 4 experienced this drama. Last night, she revealed some disturbing thoughts about my husband's throwing up and how he was going to jail. She had tears in her eyes...she also thought my son and I were going to leave too. This broke my heart... She is in so much pain and I didn't protect her from it.

After talking things out with her and reassuring her, I brought this up to my husband. He was concerned but for some reason (probably because I did have those pent up emotions from the night before) I could not hold my anger towards him inside. Not only has he scorned me, he also scorned our children. Scared them and threatened the security they once felt so strongly. Motherly instinct is one of most powerful motivaters when it comes to protecting the well being of your children.

I suppose my rage mostly comes from wanting him to know the depths of how horrible he has treated us. The next time he even looks at another woman, I want him to remember how bad this was and how he never wants to ever live through it or something worse again. I hope my rage will be enough to scare him straight.....

1 comment:

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