|Photographer: Darren Robertson|
When my husband came home early from his deployment to see his dying father back in April, he hardly looked at me and wasn't interested in me at all. He was so different. I chocked it up to grief and just tried to be supportive. Well, in hindsight, he was stricken with guilt because he had just committed infidelity.
So now, whenever he comes home from being away, it's like I return to that time and it enrages me. The last time he came home about a month ago, I couldn't control it and we ended up having a heated discussion about the affair for better part of the night. Not exactly what he had in mind when he came home, if you know what I mean.
As I go through the process of surviving infidelity, I feel myself progressing. Last night, I again had those same feelings but I was able to swallow them. They were there...I just chose not to fulfill the urge to fuel it. It was hard but in the end, the night was much more romantic and peaceful.
I would not recommend that anyone swallow their rage until they are ready to. It's taken a lot of yelling at him and processing of the affair to get to this point. I am also not saying that I have swallowed the rage forever. I will have my time again...it just shows some progress that I was actually able to control it this time.