Thursday, February 10, 2011

I'm in an Infidelity Rage...RIGHT NOW!

I just told my husband that I was sorry that I ever married him and I was definitely sorry that I came back to him. No, before you think he cheated on me again, he didn't.

I read an article in the latest issue of Redbook about a man who missed his wife because his wife was so busy with the kids. The author said that he felt ignored and that he felt like life was going to be like that forever. Until one day when him and his wife had some alone time and she did something special for him (as simple has just fixing his coffee and buttering his english muffin). Then he realized that even though he wasn't first right now, he came very close behind, and that someday their kids would grow up and they would again be together and be each main focus.

This author sounds like my husband...except this guy came to this conclusion BEFORE he had an affair. My husband refuses to believe that he had an affair because he felt he was second best. He'll say he feels second best to the kids all day long but that being the reason for the affair he will never admit. Instead, he likes to say that he went in mentally ill crazy. Honestly, even though my intellectual self kind of believes it... deep down...I don't buy it. I believe he has been craving the attention that the slut gave him and he just fell right into it because as selfish as he is...he didn't care who gave him the attention... as long as he was getting it.

You know what annoys me even more and sends me into a rage. Most of the marriages I hear this happening in, have another complaint that you will never hear from my husband's mouth...that there was a lack of sex. That's probably the first thing people come up with when they wonder, "I wonder what pushed him over the edge"...Yes, it must be that his wife wasn't putting out. HAHAHAHAHAHA....yeah okay. Hardly. People complain about going a week or a month without sex? Not in my husband's vocabulary. The longest we would go without is a couple of days...maybe three days in extraordinary cases. So yeah, what a damn jerk. You could had it so much worse...

I just don't deserve a husband who cheated on me. I feel like I made the biggest mistake in my life when I married him. I wish someone would have told me that when you marry someone, you may actually assume responsibility when he does something wrong. My whole life I've done things that I wouldn't be ashamed of. If I made a decision, I decided carefully because I know my decision reflect me as a person. Well, now I am ashamed and I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG.

Look, I'm sorry I wasn't all over you every second of the day. Or I wasn't calling you constantly while you were at work. Or that I didn't make you dinner every night...oh wait I did that....or do all of your laundry...oh wait I did that....or stay up at night unable to sleep worrying about your heartache over your grandfather dying...oh wait I did that....oh sorry I didn't sit down at the kitchen table and ask you how your day was...oh wait I did that....or watch wrestling with you just to spend time with you...oh wait I did do that. You know... it's bull that he cheated on me. He really doesn't deserve me...he really doesn't.

I'm getting tired now from the emotional I am going to try to sleep. I told him that I don't want to see him until next week when he gets home from being on the boat all week (he leaves tomorrow). I told him not to call me....he of course said that he will call because he has a right to talk to the kids ----OH OKAY. Because when you usually call you ask to speak to the kids.....NOOOOOOO - even after I told him our daughter said that she wished he would ask to talk to her. UUUUGGGGHHHH....SELFISH SELFISH SELFISH...

Bed. Now.

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