Monday, July 4, 2011

10 Things You Want from Me

My husband and I love hard and fight hard. I've been under a lot of stress trying to decide on this whole car situation (update: I found an Expedition that I love...but I am riddled with fear that if I get it...what if he decides to cheat again sometime in the near future?...anyway) and well, I blew up because I felt like he wasn't pulling his weight around the house as he said he was going to be doing.

As he's telling me that he is so much different now and that I am crazy to think he doesn't do anything (never said he didn't do anything... just not enough), he tells me that I could be doing more too. So I invite him to share exactly what he would like me to do because he never tells me what he would like from ME...this is an ongoing issue in our marriage.

Instead of telling me what he would like from me, he proceeds to tell me that I don't handle criticism well and that is why he never brings up issues he has with me. HUH? Well, how do you know if in the eight years we've been married, you haven't?

So...to put my counseling skills into action, I told him to write down ten things that he would like from me. I wouldn't refute them and I wouldn't take offense. I just want them written down and if they are reasonable, I will do them.

He had the hardest time coming up with 6 and the first one isn't even one - I want you to follow through. Here are the other 5.

Don't bring up the past about his anger.
Stop not caring what he has to say.
Tell him what is the matter and how he can help me (better communication).
Get back compassion.
Don't say I am leaving.

I was looking more for THINGS to do not things I shouldn't say or feel. But whatever, it's fine. I will do them...it's easy enough to hide feelings and not say certain things.

He did say that he can't stand when I say that this is how I am now and if he doesn't like it, he can just leave. But I told him I won't bend on that. I am going through a  process and I will go through this process at my own speed and if he really doesn't like it, he is welcomed to go. If he stays, good, but I will go through the process with or without him.


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