Saturday, July 16, 2011

Not going to counseling anymore...WHAT?!

So I woke up this morning in a pretty good mood. The kids were being good, I had the cleaning itch and was able to get it all done with some assistance from the cheater after he woke up around 9:30.

We decided to go out for lunch and as we were driving there, the cheater says this:

Cheater: Dr. S (our individual/marriage counselor) must wonder what happened to us.
Me: Yeah, I know.
Cheater: He did a good job with us.
Me: Huh? Are you not going anymore?
Cheater: Well, I don't need to...do you think I need to?
Me: Yes.
Cheater: I don't see us having any time to go. Why do you think we need to go?
Me: Because you haven't even started to work on issues.
Cheater: What do you mean by that? What do you mean I have issues... You just offended me.
Me: Oh boy...

And off went the races... Apparently, I am the mean one here. I ended up having him take me home because we were getting nowhere and it pissed him off even more when I said, "You know what? It's your choice...you have your choice and I have mine. Always remember I have a choice."

My husband was cheating on my a year ago...and he thinks he is fine. He hasn't worked through shit in counseling because he keeps having to leave on the boat. So the therapist can't get down to anything plus the fact that he is closed up with a steal trap door.

I know where this will go...He has already started to slow down on his let me make it up to my wife thing and he has even started yelling at me again. Yep, it's all coming back...as I knew it would.

He can't stand for anyone to tell him that he needs help. His almightyness that has been instilled in him does not allow him to hear otherwise....His coping skills are still horrible so someday if he decides to cheat or do some other stupid thing, well that's his choice...and I will have mine.

You know he said he would never disappoint me again...but he just did.

5 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry. My husband thinks he's addressed his issues but he has only scratched the surface. He won't go for counseling because of poor past experience. I'm not pushing because he's been absolutely wonderful since discovery. But I'm with you. If things start to deteriorate again, I know I'm strong enough (because of this trial by fire) to make the difficult decisions.

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  2. Thank you for responding...At least I know I am not alone. Good luck to you...

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  3. That's really disappointing. Im not sure what it is with men.......counselling seems to be such a threat to them. I hope you continue to see your therapist on your own. Hopefully the therapist can make a plan for you on how to deal with your husbands self esteem/immaturity issues.

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  4. Just had another thought....it there someway you could gently explain to him that going to therapy doesn't mean there is something "wrong with him" it is about trying to strengthen your marriage and helping you heal? It takes 2-4 years for a betrayed spouse to heal and going to therapy together may aid in speeding up your recovery.

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  5. Well, he's changed his mind again. He is not going to go back to therapy. Yikes...what a mess.

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