Saturday, August 6, 2011

I Shocked the Counselor

After we got back from Virginia, I had an individual appointment with our marriage/individual counselor. Good thing too because in two days is the anniversary of D-Day.

I talked through tears about all of the abuse my husband put me through. I told him how he would send me and the kids away so he could go off with his slut for the weekend. How he would say horrible things to me and the kids. Yell at us, make us feel like the worst people in the world and just be plain cruel. The specific events that I told my counselor were shocking to him....

I just kept asking him "Who does that?' "What kind of person does all these cruel things to someone and then says that he loves the person?" He had no answers for me. He just reflected my questions back to me... good old counseling trick. I just kept saying, I don't know....

I then said, "Why am I here?" Now, a year later when I reflect on all of the crap he put me and the kids through, I cannot believe I am still standing here, next to him, saying that I love him...and not only saying it but feeling it. What is wrong with me?

The counselor again asked me, "Why am I here...." He made sure to say that it wasn't that he was questioning me, it was more of asking for the reason of why I am here.......I had no answers.

I cried for the whole session...at the end, he couldn't believe the same man that sat in the seat next to me was the one who did all these things to me and the kids. He couldn't believe the nightmare I went through last summer. Not only did he cheat on me, but he emotional abused me and the kids right in the middle of a major move from one state to another with no place to live ...for months.

No one should have ever been treated like that.... I still can't believe I was treated that way - I can't believe I made it out of it too ... I wouldn't have ever thought I would have...


3 comments:

  1. I just created my own blog to express my feelings as well as I try to heal from my husband's adultery.
    Today was one of those days I feel STUCK, thinking back to the CRUEL behavior my husband displayed towards me. Just cruel. The things he said, his arrogance, they way he communicated with her right in the house under my nose on his phone. He too kept his phone ATTACHED to him. At night I don't even know where he put it, under his pillow maybe? He never left it on the charger any longer after I broke into it one night. He wouldn't even leave it out if he went to the bathroom. Just cruel. Even when I found out, he very blatantly said "I'm not going to stop talking to her if she calls." Like it was all one-sided. Him leaving and moving out. Just surreal. He literally turned into someone else. Someone despicable.
    I'm sorry you had to see sex pictures. I can't imagine what's that like. I had enough issues when I found a letter she had wrote him stuffed in his glove compartment saying how much she loved making love with him. I didn't even know WHO SHE WAS at the time but I had all these images in my head of him with someone, just no face. Horrible, horrible, horrible. So sorry you're going through this. Sounds like you're where I am and very close to it in the process. We are also a year out.

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  2. Yep...I had the same thing going on with the phone. I was lucky to have it left anywhere in my eye sight without him with two feet of me. He once fell asleep on the couch with his hand on his pocket where his phone was...so ridiculous. Honestly, all of that anxiety would not have been worth it to me...I have way too many other things to concern myself with than hiding an affair - I still can't believe he did it.

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  3. Same thing here. Now he leaves it out but eyes me to see if I will touch it. I seriously am worn out.

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