Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Trigger Words Even After Two Years

I am so mentally f'd right now. Today, my cheater husband said something that really through me for a loop and made me land straight on my ass.

We were actually about to "get jiggy with it" and he called my chest "melons." Yeah well part of his mistress' email address had melons in it - squeezing them was also part of the email. Whatever she was small chested so I don't get it - however, that just about did it in for me.

I was like, "I can't believe you just said that." He had no clue what I was talking about until I had to yell "Hello - EMAIL?" Then he got it. Whatever he didn't even act like it was a big deal. STUPID IDIOT. You and your stupid use of the word melons.

Then later on, we were talking and he tells me the wedding we are going to isn't serving alcohol. But the groom is getting beer in a cooler for the reception dinner... He says he'll be drinking beer and I was like "Well, I guess I'll just hang out and not drink." He says something else STUPID - "What so I will just drink by myself?"

YEAH YOU IDIOT... I'm not like your mistress who loved to drink beer with you. HELLO - You've known me for how long? 12 years? You know I drink  liquor and wine -  that's it. Sorry I am not as COOL and FUN as your stupid mistress was and can just down any alcoholic beverage on earth. I'm not an alcoholic like her white trash ass.

So then he gets all huffy how I am taking things the wrong way. No, what I am doing is triggering because of your stupid words. Besides the fact we are about to go back to his grandmother's house. See, the last time I was at his grandmother's house was when I left to drive 14 hours to catch him cheating on me. So yes, I am entering a place where my last memory is telling his grandmother that I had to leave unexpectedly to "save his grandson". That was 2 years ago.

I hate this. And then add that we are going to a wedding...and I hate wedding but I hate marriage... yeah, this isn't a good time for me.

All because he cheated on me... that IDIOT.

1 comment:

  1. that's tough stuff, triggers suck and bigger problem is that they'll never stop. Your partner who betrayed you should have some compassion in it, sounds like he doesnt. He doesn't understnad, wants to think it's ancient history, but it's only as ancient as the most recent trigger.

    I can only give you the wisdom i learned in my therapy... we cannot control what others do, we cannot control the triggers either and when they'll come. All we can control is our reaction to them.

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