Thursday, March 8, 2012

I'm Not Miserable - Just Over Analytical

I was talking to a good friend yesterday about my post. She mentioned that her mom had divorced when she was a kid. She also said that her mom was more miserable when married and it was better when she divorced.

I just wanted to tell everyone that I am not miserable. Not at all...

My husband isn't horrible to me....anymore. He has been trying really hard to make me happy. So it's not as thought I am miserble here.

I am happier with this situation than I would be divorced.

I think what my issue is that I look into things A LOT. When I look at my husband, I read between the lines all the time. I think about the AFFAIR.

If I didn't have this problem of over analyzing everything, I probably wouldn't feel so lost in it all. I would most likely feel as though I could let go.

It's just really hard to accept MY husband did this...even two years later.

I also appreciate my situation. It could have turned out so much worse. He could have said he didn't like me and never wanted to be with me again.

Then I would have had to deal with everything that comes with divorce. And I don't want that - I don't want that at all.

I will take what I have right now. I just wish it was wrapped with an affair.

He says so many times, "I wish I could turn the hands of time back."

And I always say..."Yeah...don't we all."

3 comments:

  1. For my birthday my husband, who knows I love the Harry Potter movies, gave me a Time Turner. I know that he wishes now that he could take back every second of the affair, but at the time, he could've NOT had the affair, or chose to be strong and TALK to me. I had no idea anything was wrong! I am glad that we haven't divorced too, because I DO love my husband still, but I look at him differently, and part of my love for him died when I found out what he did. I wonder sometimes if it will ever come back...

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  2. I know....that part is missing in me too. Our marriage will never be the same as it was...our relationship is completely different. I think what all this is about is learning to love in a different way. A way that people who haven't been cheated on won't understand. It is a love that has ..... Hmmm.. Almost a sadness behind it. One that isn't pure anymore...one that is tainted with infidelity. There may not be anything wrong with it...it is just reality. ....infidelity rage

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  3. I hear what you are saying about the changed love. The sadness. I can never look at my marriage the samr way. When I look at our wedding photos, I just think about how ignorant I was about him and how there is no happily ever after.

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