Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Can't Escape the Affair No Matter What I Do

I can't win. While at the gym, I started to listen to Pandora on my phone because the TV keeps playing the hotel advertisement where I found out about my husband's affair (which I wrote about before). Well, I am not even safe with Pandora.

I decided to try something a little different today to get myself motivated. I started listening to my techno station. All of a sudden, I looked at my phone and saw something that I had seen before. It was the name of a singer that I saw in an email to my husband from his crazy girlfriend. I immediately said, "ARE YOU SERIOUS?" I must have looked really sane talking to myself on the elliptical while frantically grabbing my phone all the while still moving away.

I started to listen to the words and they were like sharp knives in my heart. All about how it would be a miracle if she could be his girl...how if he would just let him be his girl, she would show him that they were meant to be...blah blah blah. YUCK...BLAH...YAK.
I texted my husband and immediately asked if the singer's name meant anything to him. At first he denied it but then confessed that it was some YouTube that she sent him once. Riiiiight.... that lead me to a downward spiral. Talk about a trigger! The song basically begged the person to leave his wife so he could be with her.....EEERRRR....

While he didn't actually leave me, it still really bothers me that their relationship really went that way. And why is that she really didn't think she already had him? I mean they were CONSTANTLY emailing each other how much they loved each other, how much they couldn't wait to see each other, how they wanted each other so bad....ugh... and they had sex. So um, if that's not a relationship, I have no clue what is...

Anyway, pretty soon, I won't be able to leave the house without having a trigger slap me in the face. Did someone put a curse on me so that I would suffer as much as possible? What did I do to deserve this pain? What's so unfair in all this is that I didn't do anything....absolutely nothing.

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